I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
