i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
