Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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