Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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