My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
