My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
