we have pet lesbian snakes
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
