my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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