So drunk its hurt
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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