were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
