at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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