Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
