i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
