I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
She just used a chaser for red wine.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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