the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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