Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
