Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
