i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
