Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
