I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
