i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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