Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
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