if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
