she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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