ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I think your dad took our porno
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
