I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
