dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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