I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
My pussy is not your playground.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
