splinters make it hard to masturbate
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
