oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
