Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
