so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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