I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
