i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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