I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
