Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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