Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
