he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
