i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
