Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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