You're a womanizer and a bitch.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Congratulations! We have a period
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