So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
