Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
