Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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