Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
