my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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