He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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