im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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