Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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