I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
