Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
