you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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