she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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