I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
